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A few inspirational quotes, sermon illustrations, jokes and humor
from Parables, etc.


SAFER SOFTWARE: At a recent software engineering management course in the U.S., the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately? "Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. "With my team's software," he said, "the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off."

A REAL DRUG PROBLEM: I had a "drug" problem when I was a young person and teenager. I was "drug" to church on Sunday morning. I was "drug" to church on Sunday night. I was "drug" to church on Wednesday night. I was "drug" to Sunday School every week. I was "drug" to Vacation Bible School. I was "drug" to the family altar to read the Bible and pray. I was also "drug" to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents. Those "drugs" are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in every thing I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin. If our children had this "drug" problem, America would certainly be a better place!

TAKING JOE'S PLACE: Joe, the CEO'S most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night.  The CEO had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from sending memos to wardrobe decisions.  In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.  So, it was understandable that the CEO didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious job seekers who wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the CEO muttered. At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the CEO's side.  "Sir," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?" "Certainly," the CEO replied.  "But you'd better hurry.  I think the undertaker is almost finished."

GEORGE WILL PLAYS BASEBALL: I played Little League baseball, and I was mediocrity under pressure.  I played for the Mittendorf Funeral Home Panthers in Champaign, Illinois.  The team's color was black, needless to say. I seem to recall playing second base, but I was a born right fielder, which is where they put the kid they can't figure out what to do with.  As a hitter, I wanted to walk.  I lacked athletic confidence, which is why I sank to journalism.  -- George Will 

LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE: A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.  The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.  He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900.  So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900.  It's postdated six years from now." 

TRANSFERRED OWNERSHIP: A Christian must transfer ownership of EVERY possession to God.  That means money, time, family material possessions, education, even earning potential for the future . . . It is so simple to say, "I make total transfer of everything to God," but not so simple to do . . .Financial freedom comes from knowing God is in control.  What a great relief it is to turn our burdens over to HIM.  Then, if something happens to the car, you can say, "Father, I gave this car to You, I've maintained it to the best of my ability, but I don't own it.  It belongs to You, So do with it whatever You would like.  "Then look for the blessing God has in store as a result of this attitude.  By Larry Burkett

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